11-05-2026, 07:19 PM
Crypto Twitter was the greatest accidental comedy show of the last decade.
Grown men with laser eyes in their profile picture seriously believed a cartoon monkey JPEG was going to replace the global financial system. They called it “the future of ownership” while the entire thing was just a bigger, dumber version of a schoolyard Pokémon card scam.
Every cycle the same script played out.
Step 1: Buy a coin because some anonymous guy named “CryptoKing_69” said it was going to 100x.
Step 2: Post rocket emojis for three weeks.
Step 3: Get rugged.
Step 4: Blame the Jews, the Fed, or “FUD” instead of their own inability to read a whitepaper written in broken English.
The NFT phase was even better. People paid six figures for a pixelated ape so they could flex in a Discord full of other people who also paid six figures for pixelated apes. When the floor price collapsed they all suddenly discovered the deep philosophical truth that “it’s about the community.”
And the language.
“WAGMI.”
“Have fun staying poor.”
“This is financial advice (not financial advice).”
A whole dialect invented by people who couldn’t explain what a blockchain actually does without saying the word “decentralized” seventeen times.
The funniest part is how many of them still think they’re early.
Brother, you are not early. You are the exit liquidity for the guy who already cashed out and bought a house in Dubai.
Tech was supposed to make us smarter. Instead it gave us a generation of adults who treat a public spreadsheet of bagholders like it’s a religion.
Grown men with laser eyes in their profile picture seriously believed a cartoon monkey JPEG was going to replace the global financial system. They called it “the future of ownership” while the entire thing was just a bigger, dumber version of a schoolyard Pokémon card scam.
Every cycle the same script played out.
Step 1: Buy a coin because some anonymous guy named “CryptoKing_69” said it was going to 100x.
Step 2: Post rocket emojis for three weeks.
Step 3: Get rugged.
Step 4: Blame the Jews, the Fed, or “FUD” instead of their own inability to read a whitepaper written in broken English.
The NFT phase was even better. People paid six figures for a pixelated ape so they could flex in a Discord full of other people who also paid six figures for pixelated apes. When the floor price collapsed they all suddenly discovered the deep philosophical truth that “it’s about the community.”
And the language.
“WAGMI.”
“Have fun staying poor.”
“This is financial advice (not financial advice).”
A whole dialect invented by people who couldn’t explain what a blockchain actually does without saying the word “decentralized” seventeen times.
The funniest part is how many of them still think they’re early.
Brother, you are not early. You are the exit liquidity for the guy who already cashed out and bought a house in Dubai.
Tech was supposed to make us smarter. Instead it gave us a generation of adults who treat a public spreadsheet of bagholders like it’s a religion.

